The Kabra Confession
by PinkLemonade519
Summary: After that life-changing night in the Gaunlet, Ian Kabra has some things on his mind. Rated K . Reuploaded for editing reasons.


**Hey, what's up? Okay, so this is a one-shot, obviously. (That's why it says 'complete' up there). The idea of a confession is probably cliched and over-done, but too bad. At least it's not another song-fic. (There are a surprising amount of 39 clues song-fics) Anyway, tell me what you think, please. I know I suck, and flames are okay, I guess. Now I shut up and you read. Enjoy.**

**X EDIT X I had to go back and take out a word because it's meaning is not what I thought it was. It's kind of a long story, but let's just say, THESUARUS. COM CAN BE MISLEADING IN THE CHOICE OF WORDS FOR DEFINITIONS! I searched evil, and that word came up, and - well, like I said; long story. I am offically making a public apology for the incorrect use of the word in question. I also apologize for any life-scaring google searchs that may have commenced because of it. Thank you to Little Lobster for bringing it to my attention. Without her act of moral justace, people would continue to wonder what the word means, only to find out the terribly disgusting truth. Praise her, I say. PRAISE!**

**Wait, DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to any of the 39 Clues characters, mechandising, or books. Those are owned by the proud authors who wrote them.**

I, am Ian Kabra. This is my confession. I need to get a few things off my chest, or I'll go completely insane. Turn into a lunatic, as crazy and power-obsessed as my mum.

First of all, my greatest fears. I dread the day Natalie get's a hold of this, but I need to write, because I can't tell anyone in person. A great fear of mine is becoming like my mother and father. They're … evil. Even without the serum entangled in their blood-streams, they went about life with a cold and heartless outlook. I know, at a time, I was a part in their deceit, too.

I sense their evil deep in the farthest regions of my soul. Or maybe not so far. I proved on countless occasions that I have that inherited the Kabra gene. The backstabbing (sometimes literally), heart-breaking, scheme-making gene that makes a person into a … Kabra.

That name has lost all meaning since I learned of my mother's true cold-heartedness. To me, it used to mean that I was gifted, and different from all the others. Raised high above the rest of the world on a platinum, jewel-encrusted platter. But now, it means I'm worse than scum. Truly and utterly despicable. It's indescribably heinous to have the mention of your last name horrify people to their very core.

The destruction my family has caused … it never bothered me before. I went along with it completely unphased by others suffering. Does that make me as bad as them? Just because I didn't do the deed myself, doesn't mean it's okay to over-look it when it comes to my attention.

I feel this uneasy clutching feeling in the pit of my stomach. It feels like the electrified sky does before a storm. I'm a ticking time bomb, really. Ready any minute to unleash my own addition to my family's ultimate evil.

Like I've mentioned before, I have already used my gene to perform many acts of depravity and injustice. Too many. I looked in the mirror the other day, and didn't see the charming, handsome young man I usually am. I saw a shaky, nervous-looking wreck. He startled me.

I had never been able to stand up to my mother, but thankfully, I finally worked up the nerve and pure hatred. Natalie and I have just finished the emancipation papers and are happier for it. Yet, I still feel uneasy. Just because I am emancipated, doesn't mean I lost the Kabra gene. I'm still evil. I can feel it hanging above my head.

From the outside looking in, I look to be more bratty than ever. That's how they see me now. They say, _Oh, so the grand and illustrious _Ian Kabra_ is too good for parents now, too?_ If they only knew what danger they were in before. What I went through. I don't care as much as I used to about how people talk, and more so what they say about me. But, I can't help but feeling like an outcast when I hear them. I'm on the outside. Is this how Amy and Dan felt in the clue hunt?

That brings me to my second fear. Amy Cahill. No, not Amy herself, but the thought that I will never get another chance to be with her. This is where I feel my genes have disabled me the most. In Korea … I will never forget the look on her face when I revealed my betrayal. It haunts me. I know she has no reason to, and she probably shouldn't, but one of my dearest wishes is she give me one last chance. Just one. I could never bring myself to ask her again though. The rejection would brake me. That's why I couldn't right after we left the Gauntlet. I hesitated, and missed my chance. I bet she didn't even see. In which case, I hope no one else did either.

Her radiance and beauty are beyond measure, yet she has no idea. She's so pure, and innocent. She has a laugh that I'd trade for the sun itself, but her smile's bright glow could replace the fiery gas ball easily. Her shining eyes can both dance for the world to see, and hide her fear when it really counts. I keep finding new things about her that both entice and interest me to no end. Her peculiar fascination in works of literature, and her amazement with the most common of things. Well, they were common for me, but that could just be my family's vast riches. I could literally go on for days, I actually have in my mind before, but the point is she's perfect. In her own _wonderful_ way.

I never felt the way I do when I'm with her before. It's so new and unknown for me. A flutter in my stomach, a numbing in my mind, and the feeling of free-falling. It's the strangest sensation, but I love it. This ravishing ecstasy makes me feel extraordinary. It truly does. She's a breath a fresh air in a barren, listless surrender. My only real regret (my moral teachings could admittedly use some work) was, and is loosing and hurting her. The one ray of sunshine has been blocked out by my heartless eclipse.

Maybe someday, I'll become a better man, and I'll be worthy of another chance. That's the hope. Which leads to the next addition to my confession. My hopes and dreams.

Yes, I just explained my first, to someday win Amy's heart. Back. Win Amy's heart _back. _And, I assume you know my second, to become the polar opposite of my mother and father. Those are the main goals, yes, but there are others.

Just a warning to a certain little sister. If I find that _Natalie_is reading this next part, I'll shave your eyebrows in your sle- No. One eyebrow in your sleep. Try covering that in make-up. Heh heh.

Alright, The first of which that has gone unnamed until this time, is my wish to be there for my sister, Natalie. Before the clue hunt, she was just an annoyance. A vermin, if you will. There were a lot of things I had miss-judged before the clue hunt.

Now that we are emancipated, we are alone. But I think we can be alone together. Alone together. Hm. Mum would punish me for using an idiotic turn of phrase like that, but it's how I feel. It's what we are.I had never realized how vulnerable and scared she could be until that night in the forbidden wing. I wish I had seen it sooner. She's only eleven for God's sake! I feel wrong for not looking out for her before. I'm her older brother, should automatically know to, or is it normal? Is it just my genes again, ruining my life?

Either way, from now on, I will try to be both a good influence, and trustworthy support.

Another hope of mine, although it be small, is to once again be wealthy and happy. I don't wish to become spoiled or power-hungry, I just miss the lavish and lush lifestyle I had grown accustomed to. It's hard to break old habits, I suppose. I can work my way back to the top.

But maybe I will grow into -maybe even be completely satisfied with - a normal, pedestrian life. Although, I shudder as I write this, which disproves that point.

Oh, and then there's regaining my spot on the school polo team. They kicked me out. Me! How could they even think to- er, I just mean, it's an injustice. They say it was because of all the time I spent 'away on business', but I know it's because of my recent lack of popularity. Oh, and yes, I'm not popular because I'm not rich. Just goes to show you who your friends really are. Apparently, I don't have any.

Someday, I plan on writing memoirs, or a full out autobiography. I'll tell the whole world of how hard my life is, they'll all know my pain and suffering. Maybe I'll get a medal. Or even a float parade, in my honor. Or maybe even a national holiday, where everyone gives me gi- er, sorry. I get carried away a lot.

Writing this has helped, and I feel a little better. This note will stay secure in a safe, and hopefully, the next time I read this, my fears will be extinguished and put to rest, and my hopes will be fulfilled. _I, _will be fulfilled.

**So there you have it, I guess. Oh yeah, and that part about why Ian didn't do anything with Amy after the Gauntlet, is my excuse because HE SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! ANYTHING! Ah well. I guess there's no use in my complaining. Hopefully, if they make another series (with the Cahills against the Vespers), Ian and Amy will do something. Hopefully.**

**P.S. Ian Kabra Day. God help us all.**


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